a christmas eve prayer for those who don't go to church

Lord, I don't go to church much.
I don't go at all...

Well, I go at Christmas.
I'm home then.
I feel drawn to it.
I like the Christmas Eve service,
the coolness of the air.
I feel like a child again...

It's surreal.

I know folks make fun of people like me.
What can I say?
I've drifted...
but there is a pull back.

Are You speaking to me?

I hear something in the sermon, sometimes,
but mostly it's the music and the candles.
What is it about those candles?
And the darkness?
The darkness...
or maybe it's the light, I suppose.
Light and darkness.

I know about light and darkness.
I live in both.
I've got some of both in me.
I'm basically a good person, I think,
but I struggle...
I know about light and darkness.
But I want to be closer to the light.
I want to light that candle and sing those words:

"And in the dark street shineth,
the everlasting light..."

I would like to live in that light, Lord.
I would like to come home.
I would like to be born again.